We beg our children to use theirs when they're bored, but we're quick to plead a lack thereof when confronted with grown-up realities. Indeed, the phrase is particularly menacing when articulated to adults in the midst of a crisis. Yet it still manages to slip off the tongue when the suffering most need sympathetic and encouraging words. Truth is that we can and do imagine challenging scenarios a lot. Maybe too often. What if my mom gets cancer? What if I have to be away from my children for an extended period of time? What if my husband dies? But when these realities are staring back at you from a friend's frightened eyes, they can be too close for comfort. So out comes, “I can’t imagine,” and off you go. Even if we don’t want to imagine what someone else is going through, we can at least try to ease their passage. At some point, the unimaginable happens to everyone. You’re going to need help one day, so don’t shy away from offering yours today.
La bonne nouvelle, c'est que la réponse parfaite se trouve dans une autre phrase de trois mots : "Je t'aime".
The good news is that the perfect response exists in another three-word phrase: “I love you.” It's never failed the speaker or the receiver – and it usually begets a tender loving hug. Afraid that's not enough? The human embrace has worked wonders for Amma, aka the hugging lady, who has put her healing arms around 30 million people worldwide. The suffering line up for miles to be in Amma's grasp for a moment. And they leave with renewed hope. Consider, too, doing something helpful instead of saying, “Let me know if I can help." No one in a bad situation has the energy to think of ways you can be helpful to them. If you absolutely can’t think of how to assist –which is okay – then send a card with a sweet note. Or drop off something they can literally hold onto fuzzy blankets, scented oils, macaroni and cheese. Maybe a book written by someone who has stood in their shoes. “The Year of Magical Thinking,” by Joan Didion, comes to mind.
The act of putting one foot in front of another literally propels us forward. Into the future. To better times. Toward the living. Since I quit drinking — a rather lonely and terrifying act — I have found great comfort in walking with a friend. Not only do I deeply appreciate her willingness to meet me on new ground, but I am also healing in the process.
Je n'avais pas de mots non plus. J'ai tenu sa main pendant que nous faisions quelques pas. J'ai imaginé sa vie.Je n'avais pas de mots non plus. J'ai tenu sa main pendant que nous faisions quelques pas. J'ai imaginé ce qu'était sa vie. J'ai imaginé qui lui avait fait ça. J'ai imaginé à quel point cela lui faisait mal. J'ai imaginé que quelqu'un avait fait cela à ma sœur, à mon amie ou à mon enfant. J'ai parcouru la distance avec elle - et j'ai plongé dans les profondeurs de ma peur - au moins pour quelques mètres et quelques minutes. L'ai-je aidée ? Je lui ai donné une poignée de roupies. Ce n'est rien comparé à ce que j'ai reçu en retour. Regarder au fond de la bouche d'une femme sans langue m'a ouvert les yeux sur la profondeur de mon propre cœur. Imaginez cela.
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