The craziest phrase in the world of parenting is “sleep like a baby.” Personally, I would love to “sleep like a husband” because they seem to have the sleeping thing down pat. It’s the babies that have no clue, am I right? You know who else has no clue how the baby sleeps? The parents! It can feel overwhelming when there is so much information on the Internet, from well-meaning friends and family, and books that suggest your baby should be sleeping through the night before they are 3 months old.
As a certified pediatric sleep expert, I want to stress that every baby is different and has different needs for sleeping, feeding, growing, learning, etc. When you are in the throes of the newborn days or the 4-month sleep regression, it can be helpful to understand the general developmental habits of babies at these ages in order to determine a plan to help support them through this phase.
The purpose of this information is to be general, and my intention is for you to use this only as a baseline. (WAIT! Don’t leave the page…hear me out!). The feedback I hear most often from parents is how frustrating it is to sort through resources to find exactly what works for their child. They spend hours on Reddit, sifting through posts from other parents, desperately searching for the one product or schedule tweak that worked in order to get that other kid to sleep more than 4 hours.
Let me be honest- it’s unlikely that one blog page or one book will reveal the exact solution for your child’s sleep issues, because they are written for the general population and your child is an individual. But you know who can help them with their sleep? YOU! Because you are their best teacher. I want to empower you to do your research, create a plan, stick to the plan (ahem..that means for more than a day or two), and make changes as needed.
Schedules
The most asked question I receive from parents is about schedules. It is unlikely that your child will be able to follow a by-the-clock schedule until they are 4-months old. When they are newborns, they have a hard time staying awake for long periods of time and also have a hard time taking predictable naps during the day, making it challenging to keep a consistent schedule. I recommend using wake windows until they are 4 months old.
After 4 months of age, I encourage parents to shift to a by-the-clock schedule. At this age, your baby’s circadian rhythm, or biological clock, has been turned on and they have sleepy hormones that surge in their body at certain times throughout the day. Because of this natural biological sleep rhythm, many babies will continue to be on the short nap struggle bus if we continue to use wake windows beyond the 4 month age range. This concept can be very hard to get on board with, especially because everyone talks about wake windows. However, if your baby is not napping well and not sleeping well overnight, a by-the-clock schedule will likely help them improve their sleep.
Here are my suggestions for wake windows and biological sleep schedules by age. Please note that the wake-up and bedtimes are suggested. You can shift these recommended times by +/- 30 minutes and shift the recommended nap times +/- 30 minutes respectively.
Wake Windows
0-4 Weeks Old: 30-45 minutes
4-8 Weeks Old: 45-60 minutes
8-12 Weeks Old: 60-90 minutes
12-16 Weeks Old: 90-120 minutes
Schedules
4 Months Old
Wake-Up: 6:30 a.m.
Nap 1: 8:00 a.m.
Nap 2: 10:30 a.m.
Nap 3: 1:00 p.m.
Nap 4: 3:30 p.m. (catnap)
Bedtime: 6:30 p.m.
5-7 Months Old
Wake-Up: 6:30 a.m.
Nap 1: 9:00 a.m.
Nap 2: 12:30 p.m.
Nap 3: 3:30 p.m. (catnap)
Bedtime: 6:30 p.m.
8-12 Months Old
Wake-Up: 6:30 a.m.
Nap 1: 9:00 a.m.
Nap 2: 1:30 p.m.
Bedtime: 6:30 p.m.
12-15 Months Old
Wake-Up: 6:30 a.m.
Nap 1: 9:30 a.m.
Nap 2: 2:00 p.m.
Bedtime: 7:00 p.m.
16+ Months Old
Wake-Up: 6:30 a.m.
Nap: 12:30-2:30 p.m.
Bedtime: 6:30 p.m.
Sleep Environment
To be dark or not to be dark, that is the question.
I promise that if you create a dark sleeping environment for your child at home, it does not mean that they will not be able to sleep anywhere else. The reason why children become flexible sleepers and are able to sleep in the car, at daycare, and at grandma’s house on Thanksgiving is because they have independent sleep skills and are well-rested. The idea of “I don’t want to put up the blackout curtains or keep them on a schedule because I want them to be able to sleep anywhere” actually works against parents.
I love to work in analogies, so think about it this way. If you were sleep deprived (not a scenario that’s too hard to imagine as a parent!), had no idea when your next nap was going to be, could not depend on deep sleep or long stretches of sleep, then was thrown in the car in the middle of a sunny day to sleep upright while you bounced up and down on some potholes, would you feel totally refreshed 45 minutes later? Probably not. Did you take the edge off? Sure thing! But it doesn’t bode well for you in the long run.
Extreme, yes. But I make a good point, right?
Sleep environment is so important
Overnight Expectations
“Sleep through the night” means something different to everyone you ask. Everyone values sleep differently and has different expectations for sleep based on cultural norms, family circumstances, and societal pressures. For this purpose of this article “sleeping through the night” will be defined as sleeping between 10-12 hours without the need for a feeding or other parental intervention. As aforementioned, remember that every baby will meet this milestone at a different time based on their own body’s unique needs and a book or blog may not contain the magic formula to mix up a perfectly sleeping baby.
So let’s level-set some general expectations for overnight sleep, according to age, so that you know where to set your bar going into the nights ahead. Sometimes when we know what we can expect, it’s easier to manage our anxiety and our sleep deprivation. I promise that more consolidated sleep will come as your baby is developmentally ready to maintain longer stretches at nighttime!
0-8 Weeks Old
Your baby needs to sleep a lot, but also needs to eat frequently. This means that they will not be sleeping for very long stretches overnight. In the early weeks of life, they will like wake every 1.5-3 hours for a feeding throughout the night. Remember, you start the timer from the beginning of the feeding. So if your baby starts feeding at 1:00 a.m. and finishes at 1:45 a.m., it is possible they may need to feed again at 2:30 a.m., even though you probably just fell back to sleep. These stretches will slowly begin to elongate through these 8 weeks and you may start to see their longest stretch of the night begin to establish in the beginning of the night. Your last feeding may be at 9:00 p.m. and they may be able to stretch until 1:00 a.m., then feed every 3 hours afterwards.
8-16 Weeks Old
This is where sleep becomes so variable for so many babies. Some are able to begin to sleep 5-8 hour stretches while others are still waking every 4 hours to feed. The good news? Now that they are more awake during the daytime, we can begin to work on fuller feed during the day so that they can begin to learn to sleep longer overnight.
4-5 Months Old
Some babies are sleeping 10-12 hours at this age while others have been seriously affected by the dreaded 4 more sleep regression and are back to waking every 3 hours. There’s so many opinions out there, so take this as just one resource among many. Unless a doctor or lactation consultant has recommended otherwise, I like to see babies reduce to 1 or 0 feeds at this age, allowing their digestive system the ability to rest for a longer period of time and their sleep systems to take over.
Their circadian rhythms have been officially turned on and this means their little bodies can now capitalize on melatonin and adenosine. When we can get into interrupted deep sleep for a long period of time, there are a plethora of health benefits our babies take advantage of and this is prime time to begin to teach them this skill.
6-12 Months Old
While some babies may be waking for residual night feeds, pacifier replacements, or to be rocked endlessly, I’m here to tell you that they are 100% capable and developmentally ready to now sleep through the night. You have likely incorporated solids into your daytime routine, they are ready for a set nap schedule, and the newborn inconsistencies are a thing of the past. You can expect more dependable sleep, if you are ready to work on strong sleep skills at the beginning of the night.
More Questions Than Answers?
I sure hope not! I really strive to support parents in a way that listens to their concerns as individuals and empowers them to make choices that are best for their child. Some take aways here are:
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Do your research and come up with a plan. Set a timer when you are researching and do not go down the reddit rabbit hole. Just like your college professor told you not to use Wikipedia as it’s not a reliable source, neither is reddit. You want to use trusted sources for professionals who live and breathe baby sleep.
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When you have your plan, stick with it. Don’t try the blackout shades for 2 days and then return them to Amazon because naps were crap. It takes time for our babies to learn new skills and it takes time for us to teach them effectively. If you are adjusting wake windows or trying a new schedule, stick to it for a week before trying something new. And most importantly, take data so that you know what worked and what didn’t.
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Reach out for help! If you’re truly struggling, reach out for help from someone in your village. I work with families one-on-one from 0-8 years old. You can find more information about me and my programs on my website.
The good news is that we’re all in this together and our kids will continue to teach us new things every day. They’re lucky to have you as their parents!
